Like everyone, I think the things closest to our hearts are always the hardest to share. Somehow, God instilled in all of us this ideology of uniqueness, we think we are the only ones who have felt a certain way, the only ones who harbor both complex and confusing emotions- and often feeling them at the same time. As a man, my perceived strength comes from the self-induced ability to hold it all in, to divorce myself from the roller coaster ride of being so excited I can’t sit still- and so scared I can barely move. An endeavor of trickery to convince myself that I can be loved only when I am strong and any small crack in my amour will make me unlovable, ineffective and weak. Any self-acknowledgement of insecurity will render me completely and totally undesirable.
I think the bumper sticker I saw last week summed it up perfectly; “Only Girls Have Feelings”. Granted, the impact was mitigated from profound to stupid when I also noticed the same truck had an additional sticker portraying a certain cartoon kid peeing on a Chevy emblem, but certainly the point was taken all the same.
When Jeny first asked me to write a Blog post outlining our recent journey from ‘individual’ to ‘together’, I thought it would be the simple act of documentation; an exercise in remembering the chronological order of this transition from single to couple. Outside of a few lost weekends where compromises in judgment were exercised, my memory is pretty good, albeit subjective. Funny about the subjective part though. Sometimes, when I think back on our first dates together, I wonder if I am just simply romanticizing the standard and typical trajectory all couples go through initially. I mean she can’t be THAT beautiful, THAT perfect, THAT wonderful right? Then I glance at her across the table, in the car, or on the couch and I realize my memory, although accurate, could never do justice to the experience.
This little tome is the first in a series of four entitled ‘The Universe is Balanced’. I had an entirely different work in progress called ‘Boom-Boom in the Bedroom’, but, as they say, discretion truly is the better part of valor.