The Bachelorette Refrigerator Phenomenon

pink fridge

If you are a single woman and live alone, you are probably aware of the phenomenon that happens within your refrigerator. You have probably heard of the bachelorette refrigerator phenomenon, otherwise known as BRP.  BRP happens because, despite my best efforts, I do not know how to grocery shop for just one person. I go to the store with the best intentions and buy fresh, healthy food only to see most of it rot after the first four days. After two weeks, I’m left with shelf full of condiments, a bottle of cheap champagne and a pre-packaged salad.

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Courtesy of: Condiment of the Week

Condiments

Apparently, I like salad dressing. There are 13 bottles of it in there. I do not remember the last time I actually made my own salad or used my own dressing instead of the perfectly portioned one that comes with the pre-assembled type salads.  I also have cottage cheese, mayo, ketchup and not one, but two types of mustard.

Things that are not a condiment and not related to making a cocktail include minced garlic, half of a very questionable onion and coffee creamer.

Let’s also not forget the door to the refrigerator is filled with six different types of hot sauce, because apparently I feel everything needs a sauce.

I don’t dare look in the crisper because everything I put in that drawer is never to be seen again.

So because of BRP, I’m usually at a complete loss as to what I should eat for dinner. I’ve been too lazy to make my daily trip to the grocery store for the last few days which is why I’m having a delicious lunch today that consists  of a spoonful of cottage cheese (safe because it is already rotten when you buy it- that’s why it’s so delicious) and a pickle. Protein, vegetables–all in all a well rounded meal.

Lesson learned: Dating is a difficult and often frightening endeavor but it is not nearly as frightening as my crisper drawer.

9 thoughts on “The Bachelorette Refrigerator Phenomenon

  1. Couple of obvious observations from a bachelor :
    1. I don’t know why the call it a crisper. They should have called it a rotter.
    2. You can never have too many bottles of exotically named hot sauces. My favorite brand: Screamin’ Sphincter. (You don’t want to know anymore)
    3. If there is no beer in the box, it’s a Code Red emergency.
    4. Before entertaining a female guest, open the door and see if a green toxic miasma of effluent gases are emitted. If so, call for professional cleaning help.

  2. Us single guys have the same problem. Mine is less of an issue, but an issue nonetheless. My ex wife and I have an alternating schedule with our girls…On weeks I have them 5 days, I’m good and can mealplan like the best of ‘em. The weeks I have ‘em 2 days… same as you. So I guess I have 1/2 the problem you do.

  3. My fridge is usually a sea of white take-out containers and fruit juices for alcohol mixed drinks. I rarely have snack food in my apartment because I have no discipline and would scarf down anything in sight. Loved the bit about open the fridge…spy nothing lower standards bit. I must do that at least 50 times a day despite the fact, I know damn well I have no snack food housed anywhere. Guess I am waiting for those damn snack fairies to appear. Though Vodka fairies would be more welcomed.

  4. You’re so funny! Yeah, cooking for one is a challenge. The grocery store shelves are filled with Giant sized bottles of condiments and packages of pasta. I hesitate to buy vegetables sometimes because I know I won’t be able to finish them all before they rot. But pre-made salads, etc. are expensive. I feel your pain.

  5. I remember when we bought a microwave in the 80′s – we thought it would change the way we ate dinner.
    Well it did! For the agonizing week that it lasted. It would go on to become the official reheating device.

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